La Mia Memoria
by Artisiano
Summary: "I have many memories, both good and bad, from my thousand year life, but my favorites all involve little Italia." Our memories stretch back years, and for many of us, our favorite memories are those of our childhood, made with people who loved us. (A fluffy journal/scrapbook surrounding Holy Rome and Italy's memories of eachother (CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN!)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

 **FELICIANO**

My brothers and I have this old storage room under the stairs of our house that we've stuck centuries of memories into, just piling in more and more of them as we got older. Now there's boxes and haphazard stacks of random things that probably meant _something_ to us in the past with barely enough room to walk in and deposit more. As I was looking into this mess yesterday I had the strangest, yet strongest desire to just clean all of it up to make room for more memories; so now I'm standing here in an apron with an altogether ineffective broom, up to my elbows in mountains of stuff I don't even recall any of us ever owning it's so old.

I dived in anyway, ineffective broom and all and started working. Before I knew it I had cleaned a small section of the closet out, shifted the boxes into the hall and started sorting the loose things stacked on top of and inside them. I found stuff that belonged to Lovino and I when we were teenagers, an old guitar that must have been Spain's and several pin-up magazines from the 1940s I didn't recognise as belonging to any of us. Those I threw away without even looking at, whatever it was in them, I didn't want to see it.

I stacked up what I did recognise as ours to put away after and laid a box aside for things I didn't recognise but which might belong to either of my brothers for them to look through. The rest I started piling into bags to donate or throw away if I couldn't. I took a break a while later to look at my progress: a decent slice of the closet was clear of clutter save for a pile of cloaks on a shelf I'd been leaving to the end in case something fragile was in them. Delving back in, I made my way to the back and carefully took the cloaks down. There turned out to be only one, it was a dirty dark colour, worn through in some spots and edged in tarnished gold. I didn't recognise it immediately, but as I took it into the light from the hall to see better, I stopped dead. It was navy, and as I shifted my hold, I caught sight of a glinting pin, a double headed eagle, stuck into the fabric. It was Holy Rome's.

Before I could stop myself, a word came out of me, almost too soft to hear, a name I haven't spoken in a very long time: Gabriel.

I stumbled and caught myself, but as I did I felt a hard edge under the fabric jabbing into me, something was wrapped in it. Kneeling, I unwrapped the cloak and pulled out an ancient book bound in leather. The writing on the cover, in gold leaf I think, was almost illegible, having chipped away in some places and left the ghosts of letters in a flowing script behind. The cover itself was disfigured by old, dried mold and so worn at the edges that the wood body could be seen through it. As I held it, the spine seemed to crumble in my hands, great flakes of dry leather and yellowed thread falling away into my lap as I shifted my hold.

I carefully leaned against a wall and braced the book against my knees as I opened it, cracking the already damaged spine further. Inside were old, browned pages of vellum covered in writing, but in two different hands and in both old High German and Medieval Italian. It took me a moment to remember, but the neat, flowing script both on the cover and in the pages was Holy Rome's handwriting, and the bigger, more loopy script was my own. I flipped through a few more pages, some of them were covered in writing, some in pictures and writing, and some were just a picture, a sketch from one of us. This had been an old journal and scrapbook Gabriel and I had maintained when we were growing up together, I had almost forgotten I'd kept it. There were decades, centuries of memories in here that we'd written down or drawn so to never forget. There was even the first poem Gabriel and I did together tucked away into the folds of parchment, yellowed with age but still beautiful because it was ours.

I flipped through a few more of the pages, looking at some of the sketches we'd done, trying to remember the context we'd done them in. There was one of Gabriel falling off a horse that I must have done, then another one that I didn't remember of me under a tree just looking out at something that wasn't in the drawing. He must have added it in and never told me, or maybe he never had the chance.

I flipped back to the front of the book carefully, mindful of the crumbling spine and traced what little was left of the gold lettering. Reopening it, I flipped through several pages of old, yellowed sketches to where I knew the first entry was and started reading, even though I knew how the story would end. I wanted to remember living with him as a child in that big, drafty castle with him.


	2. Entry 1

**Entry 1**

 **FELICIANO**

I wanted my family, my grandfather and my brother. That's the first thing I remember about coming here. I was lonely and scared and Mr Austria was mean, I thought he hated me. I spent so many nights awake missing my family that Ms Hungary -Elizaveta, Mr Austria's wife and another maid like me- started to worry about me. She started staying with me at night until I got settled in because I wasn't used to sleeping on my own, I'd always shared with someone else.

Within days of my arriving, I was told what chores I had to do around that massive building and the surrounding estate. I dreaded the first few days because the castle was five stories tall, with hundreds of rooms, often with multiple rooms to do the same things in. I didn't know how I would keep all of it straight in my head, much less keep it clean, especially the lush carpets lining the hallways and the tapestries hanging on the walls. They were thick and I knew just from looking that it would be impossible to beat all the dust from them. I was told what rooms I could go into, what rooms I couldn't, where I was to clean and where I wasn't and was expected to start in a matter of days. Even the servant's wing, where my room is, was enormous; the walls and windows towered over me, I felt tiny, like an ant next to a tree. Even the doors towered above me, solid and heavy and impossibly hard to open. I actually struggled to open my bedroom door for a while before I learned the best way is to run at it and use my weight, meagre as it is, to push it open.

It wasn't just Mr Austria, Ms Elizaveta and me here in this place though, there was Saxony, Bavaria, Brandenburg, Pomerania and numerous other smaller nations, Ms Elizaveta called them all principalities, who lived with us, doing various jobs around the estate. She also said that we all belonged to another nation, the Holy Roman Empire. I'd never met him, but she said he was powerful and that he was away fighting, but I would meet him soon though, which scared me. I also didn't understand why he wanted me, after Grandpa Rome disappeared and my brother was taken away from me, I was little more than a chunk of land where crops grew well. When I finally did meet him, I hid behind Ms Elizaveta's skirt because he was scary looking, all serious and frowny faced.

That's not to say he wasn't handsome though, he was only a little taller than me with golden blond hair he tended to keep slicked back. His eyes were ocean blue, one of my favorite shades, but they were what scared me the most about him. He always seemed to be glaring, I thought he was angry at me for some reason, like he already hated me even though we had only just met. It took me a long time to learn that it wasn't anger directed at me, or really at anyone, it was just how he looked, even when he was happy.

In the end I don't think I settled in fully here until several months passed, but when I did I almost stopped missing my grandpa and brother because I had found a family with Holy Rome and Ms Elizaveta, even with Mr Austria, though he still scares me sometimes.

PS: It's Holy Rome's turn to write now, we agreed to put entries from both of us of our thoughts about each other when we met and up until Gabriel approached me about this journal so it would be complete, covering from when we met to our lives now.

 **GABRIEL**

My first thought when I heard that Roderich had gotten Italia to join us was sheer joy, I'd been trying to win her from Lombard since the late 700s. When I got the letter from him I was away fighting, but I ended up rolling around on my cot like an idiot because I was so happy. I wanted to wrap up the war as soon as I was safely able so I could come home and meet her, I'd heard that she was beautiful and I admit I had fallen quite in love with the idea of her joining me.

When I finally did come home I was further waylaid, I'd gotten injured and spent weeks in bed recuperating, so I never had a chance to meet her as soon as I wanted. I tried to rush my healing along but ended up making it worse and taking longer to heal, but as soon as I was up and on my feet I set up a formal meeting for us.

She was quiet when she saw me, kind of hiding away behind Elizaveta's dress and peeking out to look at me. At some assurance from Elizaveta she finally came out and I was struck silent. Italia truly was as beautiful as I had heard from other nations. She was smaller than me, with a round face and the widest amber eyes I'd ever seen, almost like a doll's. Her auburn hair was short and choppy, as if she had tried to cut it herself, and a wayward curl stuck out to the side that I so wanted to brush back behind her ear. I didn't know her actual name, only her nation's name, so I gave her one in my head, and only ever told her later that I'd been calling her Ilse for years. It was a German name that meant noble maiden, and that's what she forever seemed to me, noble and out of my league, even when I got to know her better.

I could see when she came out from behind Elizaveta that she was lonely and even a little scared, and that upset me. I wanted her to feel welcome here, this was her home now after all and it should be a place where she felt safe, where she felt she had a family. Though I didn't delude myself into thinking I could ever truly replace what she had lost, I wanted to try nonetheless, she'd been without a family for too long and that can poison even the kindest of people.

I went forward to meet her and she shrank away from me. I think _I_ scared her and that made me worried, how was I going to help her get a new family when she was afraid of me? I froze then and stepped back, I figured it would be best if I let her come to me instead of scaring her more by being relentless. As I did Elizabeta knelt to our height and said something to Ilse. I never did find out what it was, but whatever she had said seemed to bolster Ilse because she came closer and curtseyed a little, though she didn't have to, and introduced herself as Italia. She called me by Holy Rome as she didn't know my actual name yet, so I told her to call me Gabriel instead. I've never really liked my ridiculously long official name, it seems rather pretentious to me to use it, even when introducing myself to another. I asked her for her name too, since I didn't want to address her only as her nation. She said she had never been given one, and I didn't want to tell her what her name would be; that's something she should decide for herself, as I had. It was for that reason I never told her until later the name I had given her in my head.

We were understandably rather distant at first, shy around each other. I was busy with the bureaucratic aftermath of the war and she was trying to settle in and find her place in the system of my house. Though eventually we did start getting to know each other better we didn't become what I would call friends until much later. She still treated me as though I was massively superior to her, and with a certain degree of fear too, like she was expecting me to lash out at her. I didn't understand why until she finally told me years after we met that she had been treated as a mere servant by her first two rulers after her grandfather disappeared and she'd had no idea what to expect from me.


	3. Entry 2

**Entry 2**

 **FELICIANO**

I'm clumsy, I'll be the first to admit that. I drop things and spill things to no end. The first time I broke something at Gabriel's house was also the first time I was sent into the storage room as a consequence. Mr Austria was always the one who meted out the punishment, whether it was to me or to one of the other principalities; and though I understood why and sometimes even agreed with him I still held it against him. I know Gabriel didn't like the storage room as a punishment either, but he was almost always away fighting in the early days of my knowing him so he didn't really have much of a say in the matter. Ms Elizaveta tried to talk Mr Austria out of locking me or one of the others in there a few times but she rarely succeeded and only ever if he was in a good mood and our mistake wasn't a severe one.

Needless to say I hate that storeroom, it was dark save for a window in the door that was opened from the other side and a window which was both high up and always locked because the key had been lost a long time ago. I often spent hours in that room and I got to know it very, very well; it's relatively small when compared to the other rooms in Gabriel's house, piled high with boxes which I occupied myself by climbing on or opening, though I never moved them because if Mr Austria ever found out I had at least something to do in there, he might move me to an even worse room. Besides the boxes there's almost nothing else save for a shelf in the corner, an old bedside table that must have come from the servant's quarters and a worn out bed so I'm constantly bored whenever I'm stuck there.

The first time I found myself locked in the storeroom, Gabriel went looking for me, and when he saw where I was he gave me a plate of food through the door's window because I had missed dinner. I hadn't asked him to and it confused me, I was in trouble and surely he knew why, so why was he being nice to me?

A lot of things confuse me about him. I've been owned before; after Grandpa Rome went away, I was first owned by Ostrogothica, who although he was a good leader, wasn't like Gabriel, and then by Lombard later, but he was never this nice to me. Both of them took what they wanted from my land and my people and neither did much of anything in return. If I'm honest, Gabriel's kindness often throws me off and makes me even more unsure of my place than I already am. I'm obviously not higher than him, so how much lower am I? Am I (doubtfully) somehow equal to him? Where am I in his life and his house? I was expecting a ruling similar to what I've had before and he's nothing like that. He's friendly, he asks my opinion on things he proposes to do with my people and land and he never really tries to force me to do anything. In fact all he ever does is constantly ask me to join him formally, I admit it's annoying but it's not something I can't handle. Beyond this, he doesn't treat me, or any of the principalities as servants or less; he treats them as friends, and even as family for a few of them, like Mr Austria and Ms Elizaveta. I'm not entirely sure what he considers me yet, and I don't want to ask the others in case word gets back to him and he rethinks his treatment of us, that's the last thing I want to happen because it would not only affect me, it would affect everyone else too.

I've gotten mostly used to my chores, and the people here, though the house is still massive and I still sometimes get lost in the seemingly millions of halls and rooms and have to ask one of the others for help. They're nice for the most part, willing to help me, talk to me, to be friends with me, but some of the older ones are a bit scary. They're sometimes mean to me and the smaller principalities, but it's almost always when they're drunk so I've learned to avoid them when they've been drinking. It's always easy to tell when they are, they stumble around, sometimes try to talk and make no sense and they tend to lash out if I or one of the younger principalities gets in their way, so we all stay away from them when they get like this.

There's actually a lot of smaller principalities like Bremen, Fulda and Geneva here who I spend a lot of time with, particularly Geneva. She's one of the closest friends I have here, and my adopted sister too. When her mother Allobroges died, Grandpa Rome took her in and we've been pretty much inseparable since then.

She's a prankster too, and likes to dare me to do things I otherwise wouldn't dream of. For example, she once dared me to prank Gabriel by hiding all of his clothes on him during laundry day, and when I refused, she went and did it anyway even though I tried to stop her. She even left him some of her dresses so he would have no choice but to wear either one of them or his underclothes. We both knew he was shy and wouldn't wander around in his underthings, and in the end he had to wear one of her dresses because he had work to do around the house that he couldn't avoid. Interestingly, by some strange magic, he _still_ managed to look good, and neither me nor Geneva have any idea how, though we spent hours afterwards trying to figure it out.

Oh! Geneva's been showing me things around the house that I didn't even know were here too. Two weeks ago she found a studio room that's full of painting supplies and instruments, and when she told me about it I made her take me there to see. It was better than I had imagined, but the problem was, it'd been so long since I'd last been able to paint, I didn't even know if I could anymore. Even so, I still asked Gabriel, and he said that on my days off I would be allowed to use the studio if I wanted to. I've been painting there almost every day off since, and I have a portrait of Grandpa Rome in progress right now. It's taking a really long time though, I don't have many days off and I have even less time to myself so I rarely have a chance to add much to it.

It'll take me even longer now, Gabriel saw me painting a rabbit in the meadow outside and he asked me to teach him to paint. He was really nervous, kind of fumbling over his words like he was afraid I'd refuse or something. I don't know why he would, after he let me use the studio I can't just not teach him to paint, it'd be wrong of me. Besides, I want to anyway, it'll give me a chance to get to know him. I still don't know where I really stand in regards to him, so maybe teaching him will help me find out. It'll be learning experience for both of us I guess.

If I'm completely honest he's pretty bad right now, I had him try to paint the rabbit I had been painting and it came out looking like some strange lizard-bear creature; but under my tender tutelage he shall learn to paint like the masters, and I won't stop until he succeeds! I think one day when he's a better artist, I'll use one of my days off to paint _with_ him, instead of teaching him, that would be nice. Maybe I should start planning now what we could paint together? I don't want to choose something at a later date only to find that I've already painted it, that would be no fun for either of us.

All in all though, I think I'm actually settling down here. Gabriel is really nice, even if I don't fully understand why, and I didn't expect to find anyone I knew either, so Geneva being here made it a lot easier for me. She's actually been helping me a little with my chores after hers are done. She says she works in the kitchens with Ms Elizaveta, they and two others prepare food for everyone. I really wish I could help her as well, Grandpa Rome did teach me how to cook after all, and it seems unfair to have four people do all the cooking for a household this big alone; but unfortunately I have so much to do around meal rush save for my days off that I never really have time to help much more than carrying some of the dishes to the tables with the others. Although I have been devoting several of my days off to helping Ms Elizaveta with the baking so I suppose I'm helping Geneva by giving her a chance to rest? It's confusing, and overall despite my helping as much as I can, I still think it's not enough, she helps me so much but I feel like I'm doing next to nothing in return.

I should go now, I have chores to finish, but one day I'll get faster with my work so I can help Geneva out more, and one day I'll teach Gabriel to paint like Grandpa Rome can. One day.


	4. Chapter 4: To Dance or Not To Dance

**GABRIEL (Holy Rome)**

I remember Roderich played the piano frequently, and each time Ilse listened I wanted nothing more than to sit with her, maybe even dance with her if she would let me, but I never had the courage to ask. I knew she could dance, I remember seeing her unconsciously twirl around while she swept. It was almost entrancing how she moved gracefully in time with a song in her head, in rhythm with a beat only she could hear. It was amazing watching her, made more so by the fact that I don't think she even realised she was dancing; but maybe it was just my perception of her movements that made it seem like she was. Either way, it still froze me when she started, I was able only to watch her. Thinking of it now, I'm almost sure Elizaveta knew of my crush on Ilse, she always kept shooting me pointed looks whenever she caught me watching her, basically telling me, as she would say, to grow a pair and go talk to her.

Eventually I took Elizaveta's advice and went out one day to talk to Ilse, but nearly stumbled on my words when she looked at me questioningly. I almost lost my courage, but at a glare from Elizaveta I gathered myself and finally asked her to dance with me. I believe to this day that she had asked Roderich to play for us, because no sooner had I led Ilse into the great hall, we heard him playing a waltz-like piece on his piano. I was unsure what to do, I had not expected to have music to dance to, but I took the favour and went with it. My earlier analysis appeared to have been correct, Ilse was indeed able to dance, and she was fantastic at it too. Although I led, I knew that if I wished to, I could let her lead and it would make the dance all the better.

We danced for almost an hour to Roderich's piano, though I think, for her as well, it felt like minutes. Her amber eyes were bright with laughter and she was flushed as we spun together, a beautiful smile gracing her face the entire time; and I can take a guess that I looked the same. To this day though, I can't honestly tell how I felt then beyond just _right_. When I took her hand it was almost like a switch had been hit between us. She moved with me as I led us around the room, and the times I had her lead, sometimes in the middle of a spin, she didn't bat an eye and took over the step sequence instantly, only to surrender control to me again a little later.

In time, we had to stop, I was growing tired, my weak health taking my breath and my energy from me. I ended the dance with a bow to her and she dipped into a neat little curtsy with a soft spoken thank you in return. It may not have seemed like much, but the look in her eyes spoke volumes, more than words ever could. If possible I would have stayed looking at her, but we both knew we couldn't. We both had responsibilities that we could not put aside, as much as we may wish to. With this thought in mind, I asked her quietly if we might dance again sometime, her answer was a yes, all the more honest as it was spoken with both voice and eyes.

We separated then, knowing we didn't have the liberty to stay as we were. I had to lead a fracturing nation and she had her job around the house. I knew her work was more grueling than mine or Roderich's, paperwork is easy compared to the manual labour she and Elizaveta completed. We helped where we could, trying to keep the house as clean as we were able to make things easier on the two girls, and I think that even if it was a small gesture, it did help them, taking some of the responsibility off their shoulders. 

* * *

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Once again I owe so incredibly much to my lovely editor Emily! Again, sporadic updates but it's August now and I can spend at least a little more time on my stories. I don't really have much of an explanation for my absence save for losing inspiration, but it's kind of back now so maybe I'll add more chapters or stories?_

 _Much love, and thanks for your patience ^^  
_ _-Artisiano_


	5. Not a new chapter

Okay so I don't often do these and it irks me to no end when authors intersperse their stories with full chapter notes, but I have to update any readers I may have left. I know I don't update often and I make no excuses defending myself because there are none. Before you worry, I'm not discontinuing La Mia Memoria, but I do want to do a complete rewrite. I have gotten much better in my writing style and if I'm honest, I really don't like how it reads right now. It absolutely sounds childish, like it was written by a teenager, which of course it was.

Anyway that's all for now, expect chapters replacing the first ones, and maybe even completely new chapters in the next few months.

Artisano


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